SEX for the most part is about intimacy and pleasure


Sex is not a dirty word. It is still a subject that people are either shy in talking about, not wanting to know about it; or they are fascinated by the subject, just the very word SEX alone.
SEX for the most part is about intimacy, respect and pleasure
When you have intimacy and respect with another person, your partner, then the sex can be incredible.
But in saying that i have spoken to a lot of women and men who have intimacy within their relationship but are scared in giving themselves completely to the other person.

There are still many women who have never experienced an orgasm. They have the intimacy with their partner, there is passion in their relationship and yet still they have never experienced an orgasm, they say they fake it. I have spoken to women who have faked it for twenty plus years.
When asked why, responses were varied: A lot of women said it was out of fear. All human's use body armor as a defense mechanism of the body, shielding us from both physical and emotional pain.
Others their partner wasn't using the right stimuli for their orgasm, they would become anxious because of this and the pleasure subsided.  Again all about fear; for the most part it is in your head.

None of us are born experts in sex, sex is something we all have to learn, and you are certainly not going to learn sex from porn. Porn is made up of 90% sexual violence. But we will dive right into that subject in a new article. 
When i am talking to young and older adults about sex i ask the question "how many of you have actually pleasured yourself, know what turns you on through touch. Have you ever used sex toys?"
Have you ever touched yourself in front of your partner?
Answer for this group of people is NO.

We talk about getting back to basics, learn to explore your own body. Sex toys are a great way to do this and are not a dirty word.
If you are frightened to go to a sex shop by yourself, ask a friend to go with you, and of course you can always ask your partner to go with you instead. Don't be ashamed about doing this.
When you get there ask the service person for help. You have to get over the fear of talking about sex for one. A lot of the fear obviously stopping you from enjoying sex is in your head.

Like i have said in an earlier article; Communication is the key to any relationship.
Talk to your partner, tell them how you are feeling. Then start from the basics.
Learn to touch each other, you don't even have to be fully naked to do this.
Kissing alone stimulates the senses in the body, as does massage.

Slow down, sex is not going anywhere. This is what we tell teens and it is also something young adults and older adults can also learn from.

Lets face it, how much pleasure are you really going to get out of a two minute wham bam. NONE.
For women we are left wanting more, because women can, and often do experience multiple orgasms and stay aroused for hours even. Women need stimulation to orgasm.

Talk about oral sex, tell your partner what you feel comfortable doing. Once you start to get over your fear's you will get a little more adventuress and want to try more. 
Never be pressured into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. 

If you are experiencing pain during sex, make sure you tell your partner. There can be different reasons for this happening. A 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 30% of women reported pain during their last sexual encounter.

For a small number of people, "genital fit" can be a cause of pain—your partner's quite large, and you're extra petite. Women's cervix's are not all built the same way. Remember that guys.
The solution: Lube can help in some cases. But "in situations where the penis is hitting the cervix, or causing an uncomfortable level of stretch, it can help to change sex positions "A lot of times women don't feel confident saying, 'slow down' or 'be more gentle.' " Try a configuration, like woman-on-top, that gives you more control over the speed and depth of thrusting.
Remember if the pain persists always consult your doctor, it could be something medical. 

There is no shame if you are experiencing trouble enjoying sex, having an orgasm. There is certainly no shame in seeking the services of a sex therapist.

I have also spoken to a number of women and studies also support this, women are having better sex in their forties, fifties, sixties than they did in their twenties. 
These women have said they were still learning about their bodies in their twenties. Now they are comfortable in their own skin, they know what they want, they know what turns them on during pleasure, and are comfortable communicating with their partners in letting them know.

I myself would have to agree with this. I had good sex in my twenties, thirties, and now the sex is amazing. If you have the right partner, the intimacy, the communication with each other, and respect then you are going to have an incredible sex life.
The women and men i speak to want exactly that, and they don't want porn to factor into their relationships at all. (This is a subject we will be getting into in great detail shortly, as porn is actually destroying relationships. If you cant have sex with out porn then you have serious problems. This can, and does lead to men having erectile dysfunction.)

My husband and i don't have, need, or want porn in our relationship.

Again communication, trust is the key to a relationship, to the path of great sex.

Most importantly if you are not in a committed relationship with another person, and you are having sex, please use protection.

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